Pearls of Faith
by Missing Linka
Summary: Cuddy gets a present. And no, it's not from House or anyone else you know! But it might help her to ... Well, you know what I'm up to ... Please R&R! THX
1. A gift

_A/N: In Germany (and some other countries) we've got a bracelet called "Perlen des Glaubens". I think the translation it "Pearls of Faith"._

**Pearls of Faith**

After a long day at PPTH, Lisa Cuddy arrived at home. On her way through the living room, she searched through her mail. She stopped when she saw an envelope from Germany. Forgetting that she'd wanted to cook something because she was really hungry, she settled down on her couch and opened the letter.

It was from Maria Chakans, an old friend from her childhood days. Maria's father had been in the army and therefore, they'd moved from one country to another. Finally, Maria had settled down in Germany where she'd studied Theology. Now she was a pastor in a little town in the Northern part of Germany.

Over the years, Lisa and Maria had stayed in contact. From time to time, they sent little presents to each other. Therefore, Cuddy was always excited when she got an envelope from Germany. Often, it made her day after a long week of working overtime.

She was a little bit irritated when she found a kind of bracelet inside the envelope. She studied it: there were 18 pearls. Except for the biggest one they seemed to be made of wood. The pearls had different sizes and forms. Some were round and some were kinda oval.

Cuddy had no idea why her friend would send her a – to be honest – not really beautiful bracelet. Therefore, she took out the letter that had been attached to the jewelery and started reading it:

_A/N I've got some ideas about the next chapters. But I have no idea when I'll be able to write them ... If you've got ideas: just tell me about them ... And PLEASE review!_


	2. A Letter

**Chapter 2 - A Letter  
**

My dear Lisa,

this bracelet consists of eighteen pearls. Each of them has its own meaning, stands for an important question about life, a thought or a prayer. Thinking about these pearls can lead to a kind or meditation.

You start with the biggest pearl. It's the golden one which stands for God. Then there's one of six pearls of silence. The next one stands for the owner. Then comes the one for baptism. The sandy one is about the desert. Serenity is the theme of the blue one. The two read pearls are about love. Then there are three pearls that shall make you think about secrets. Black stands for death and white for resurrection.

The bracelet is a kind of reminder of the life of Jesus Christ. I know that you are not a Christian, but I really hope the pearls will be able to help you.

Maria


	3. God

_A/N: I'm a Christian and not a Jew, but I think Cuddy is Jewish. Therefore, I hope that the things I'm writing are fitting._

**Chapter 3 - GOD**

God

Who is He?

_God ain't me._

_God ain't us._

_God is God._

His pearl is a big one and it's golden.

Shining in the light. Promising something more.

Worthier than all the other peals.

I've never understood God, Adonai or JHWH as we call him.

My mother has always told me that faith has nothing to do with understanding his ways, but trusting him that he knows the way.

_I do not understand Your ways_

_But You know the way that is mine_

Over the years, I've learnd to trust him. But that doesn't mean that I'm always happy or anything like that.

Sometimes, I need a break. I need time without him. But every time, I'm away from him I miss him. He's this big shining light. Where he is there is warmth.

Maybe I need the time away from him to remind myself how much I need him. That I can't live without him.

_**TBC**_

_A/N: I've borrowed words from two songs. The first one is called "God is God" by Joan Baez. The second one is a song from Taizé and I think it's called "But You know the way that is mine". I used the first one because I think that there are no fitting words to define who God really is. My prof told me that we have to tell stories about him to know who is he. But I believe that even that is not enough. The second one is very fitting because Taizé is silence and calmness, meditation. The music helps you to focus on things. Great ... now my comment is longer than the story ... ;-) _


	4. Me, Myself and I

**Chapter 4 - My, Myself and I**

Who am I?

I know my name. Lisa Cuddy. A lot of people call me Dr. Cuddy. Some call me Cuddy. Not many call me Lisa.

House calls me Cuddy. Or some crazy nickname.

I'm the administrator at PPTH. The job is interesting and I earn a lot of money. In general, I love my job. But then there are times ...

Let's just say that sometimes a job is not enough.

House has often made comments about me having slept with a lot of men to get that job. He knows that it's not true. He knows that I've gotten the job despite having slept with him. Yeah, that's more what it is about ...

House also often says things like my ass is so big that it's no wonder the couch in my office is an XXL version. And that was on one of his nice days.

Even more frequently, he talks to my breasts. He's even given them names. More than one for each.

Yeah, I am a woman, I have an ass and two breasts.

And I would love to use my breasts for more than filling my suits.

And I'm not talking about some sex fantasy ...

It would be great to breastfeed my children.

The only problem is that I don't have - and will probably never have - children, at least not of my own flesh and blood.

I've told myself over the last years that having children is my biggest dream. That's why I've spent so much money on IVF and things like that.

But sometimes, when I lie awake in the middle of the night, I wonder if it's really true.

Would a child really fill this big whole in my heart?

I'm almost fourty and I still don't know who I am ...

House wouldn't be able to stop laughing if he knew my thoughts ...


	5. Silence

_A/N: I'm so sorry ... There were just so many things on my mind ... But I'll be trying to update earlier from now on!_

**Chapter 5**

Silence.

I love to wake up before the sun has risen. Sometimes, not even the birds are singing at that time of the day. There's such a feeling of peace in the air.

It's even better than the fresh air after a big storm.

There aren't a lot of moments of silence in my life.

It's always "Dr. Cuddy, could you please …", "M'am, I need …", "Cuddy, can you …", "Lisa, you really have to …" … It's my own fault. After all, I have chosen to have this job, to lead this life …

But sometimes, I need a break.

When it all falls apart or I simply feel like I'm losing my mind, I take a run in the middle of the night. I run for hours through the streets and the park. And it's almost silent. And then, I'm almost able to forget all the chaos in my life. I almost feel free.

I need these runs.

Just like House needs his music ...


	6. Baptism

**Chapter 6**

Baptism.

I'm a Jew. I don't know a lot about baptism. Of course, I know the basics facts. Baby is born. Baby gets name. Something like that. And it's done in the name of God.

Well, what can I think about when I focus on this pearl?

Names …

Lisa. Short form of Elisabeth. „My God is fullness." I can perfectly imagine what House would say about me and fullness. Well, just about some of my body parts … Why is it that I have to smile when I think about him saying all these horrible remarks? And to top it all: Why do I smile when he says such things?! It's not nice. It's cruel. It's evil.

I have to use the internet to find out about his name.

Gregory. The vigilant one. Well, THAT's fitting! It's not often that he misses anything! Whether it's about a patient or my new outfit! He notices everything! In his position as a doctor, that's really useful. But for me, it can be really annoying when he's able to tell how I am feeling by the way I walk … and stuff like that …


End file.
